pixielistar

Well it sure has been awhile. And yet, so much, and so little has happened in that time. After my year in Japan I returned home, to the little bubble called Bemus Point, which had not changed a leaf. Where once again, I attend MG for what you could call a Sr. year, but more of a laughable game of ring around the rosie. But all the same I got through it unscathed, and accepted to the University of Hawaii at Manoa. On the island of Oahu, in the city of Honolulu. Beautiful? yes. Culturally diverse? of course. Racism? unfortunately. But its all worth it, everything that I put into this year, I did my best, did what I could, and thats all that matters.

With a sad, yet optimistic heart, I am filling out transfer applications, for I will not return to Hawaii in the Fall. My number one choice as of right now is the University of Pitt. but I will also apply to Rochester as well.

Well good luck to me, I have lots to do.

My last day in Japan... I went with my family on a trip to Fujisan, which is Mount Fuji, Japans highest mountain. yea yea it was fun, and amazing to see, blah blah blah. Its not that I didnt enjoy it, dont get me wrong, it was an interesting trip.

but I dont know i suppose there is more on mind...Theres this situation with Mark. I suppose I could reveal some of the story but I cant say everything... I dont want to hurt some people who mean somthing to me. I suppose I feel guilty, but it was me who said goodbye, but I meant it. I just wanted it to be left at that. But of course things dont seem to turn out like that... its like trying to pry a gooey sucker off of a table, its just a sticky mess. Things just seem to be getting emotionally messy. just when I think that i can leave it behind, it come up behind me and puts its hands over my eyes and says "Guess who?"...

...but I do have news! i have a crush on someone! isnt that crazy! idk, I suppose its weird because im not even back home yet, BUT its not like I dont know the person, I happen to know him quite well. Wish me luck, I might get involved!!

おやすみなさい
Oyasuminasai

Fill me with temptation, tickle me with passion, give to me your impervious burning love, and when the momment is right, all you will get from me....is a smile...

There one thing that I must make clear, and that is, I am horrible with word. My thoughts are always jumbled and never as elegant as Shells. Whome I admire greatly for her use of words and writing. I am writing this now, In a hotel room, in Tokyo Japan. I suppose I should state the fact that I have been living in Japan for the past year as an exchange student. But, unfortuantly, my year is coming to a close.

This past year has lead me through a lot of things... loanliness, despiration, excitement, passion, you name it, I felt it. With of course the language barrier, it sees tragicaly fit to use the expression "Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink"... people all arund me, but not a soul to consolidate in. Not that Im very good at consolidating in other people, one of my many flaws. I was told that studying a year abroad would be difficult, and challenging, and I didnt doubt that it wouldnt. But you see the only other thing that I could compare this to was when I was 12 and I went to Cali. to visit a friend to 2 weeks. Which was the longest I had ever been away from home. Now 2 weeks and 11 months is a bit of a difference. I dont believe that there could be anything more that I could have done to prepare in the time that I was given, except perhaps a little bit more language study.

so you ever think about the world. about the way weve come, from how we were b4. I know that change is natural, and that theres not holding back. But at the rate were going, somthings gatta give... what exactly I have no clue. but we cant continue the way were going, we just cant. time to kick up my heals and wait for the snap...

from my loanly nite in Okinawa "If loanlyness had weight, mine would sink the world"

おやすみなさい
Oyasumunasai

to the top of the world ill fly, on wings like satin, with chains around my ankles..